What a day

Academically, the Business Fair, my piano jury, and my sonata project should have been more than enough to keep me involved for today. I got to bask in the glory of Tim and Eric live as well tonight, and did that ever put me in a good place, especially after the walk all the way back from 6th.

However, a little self involved conversation can do so much to what was probably a fail proof night.

I maybe saw it coming, even with the faux encouragement, pushing me to act in the proven hope that it would all be for the best. However, this feeling is so painfully foreign to me. Even I, a person far too accustomed with rejection and the misfortune of being "in the wrong place at the wrong time," am just plain shocked at the way this is all hitting me. And that's why I can't go to sleep right now.

Maybe it all seemed too good to be true, yet at the same time there was a glint of light that there would be something to reward myself through it all. Maybe the shock comes from my expecting that this semester could possibly end in the best ways possible for me. I try not to think I'm spoiled in that regard.

Once again, through all the bullshit I've gotten used to in the past, it's really odd that I find it extremely difficult to cope. It really is that hard for me to even grasp, as it's been years since I've known the feeling. Probably the worst part is knowing that I'm above all of this, and that there is, without a doubt, much much worse out there. I'll get over myself, of course. It's just that every ounce of me doesn't want to let go. And though it would be for the very best, I can honestly say this is the first time I have ever wanted to not get on with my life.

It's 4am, and for once I can't force myself to sleep. As much as I've promised myself (and her) that I'll still be there every moment I had intended in the near future. It's going to be one hell of a trip for me to deal with. I'll try my very best to not be a complete shut in for the next.. few months, to her and everyone else I hold dearly. I really wish this spree of "bad timing" ends for good soon, I really am through with it. I also never thought in the life of me that I'd ever make a post like this.

God damn it, Garrick, grow the fuck up.






One day, Garrick, one day.